after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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