i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
