He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
