Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
