i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
ok first of all what the fuck
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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