Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
This is my life. Enjoy the view
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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