Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
