i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
