I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
