how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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