Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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