I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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