and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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