I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
