The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
