what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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