my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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