Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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