I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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