who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
