the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
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