i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
