Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
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you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
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She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
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