Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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