there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
