I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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