Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
her vagine was all disorganized.
Buhtt sex?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
