I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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