how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
