shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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