just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
