if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
