Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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