nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
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