So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
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