I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
