i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
