Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
