I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
