I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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