I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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