he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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