I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
