what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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