This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
