stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
