So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
