I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
