Grow some girl-balls and come out already
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
