he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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