Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
