am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
