i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
