ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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