You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
