just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
