just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
