Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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