wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
