it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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