paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
