Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
