I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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