whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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