I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
As shirtless as possible
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
A bitchslap is in order.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
