She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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