Can i not drive my cunt home
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
