He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
