please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
