apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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