We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
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