he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
