hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
