So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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