can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
