u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED