So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
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I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
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This baby is an asshole
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever