The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?