8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.