Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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