...so i touched it.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Randomize
