I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
