The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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