Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
A+ Viking dick
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
